TOEIC 990&TOEFL 113&英検1級&国連英検特A級&通訳案内士&工業英検1級        Dr.Englishの学習カルテ

●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
●Give THREE reasons to support your answer.
●Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion
●Suggested length: 200–240 words
Agree or disagree: Space exploration should be continued

The importance of space exploration is often called into question. Some people argues that it should be abandoned as it never helps foster our prosperity. However, I believe that space exploration should be continued. I will present three reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, space exploration will better our quality of life. Many countries have been pouring a huge amount of resources into the space race in order to get the upper hand over rivaling nations. This competition created new technology like GPS and will advance numerous sectors to a new level, which will make our lives more sophisticated and convenient.

Additionally, space exploration helps achieve world peace. Deep understanding of the universe will allow us to create better satellites that can observe rogue nations that violate international laws and pose serious threats to the international community. This will make it easier for authorities like the United Nations to take necessary actions, which will help maintain world order.

Finally, space exploration will reduce inequality. Companies such as Facebook are tapping into the space sector and working on providing Internet connection to underdeveloped countries, which will allow both governments and citizens to get access to state-of-the-art ways of doing business, growing crops and producing goods. This will help the third world thrive, narrowing the rich-poor gap among nations.

In conclusion, considering the three reasons presented above, I strongly stand by the idea that space exploration should not be stopped.

In additionをAdditionallyに変えることで無理やり語数を合わせました。

今回のテーマはspace explorationですが、個人的には難しいトピックだと思いました。というのも、space explorationには2つの側面があると考えたからです。




個人的な考えですが、2つ目を全く考えていけないのならばspace explorationで得られるものは「好奇心を満たすこと」くらいなので賛成派の意見が書けません。賛成する以上何らかの形で2つ目に言及する必要があります。逆に反対派の意見も2つ目のことを触れずに書くのは難しいと思います。

space explorationで新たな惑星、新たな元素など


などとするとより1つ目の「狭義のspace exploration」に近い感じになりそうですがこの類のものをBODYに3つ並べても現実になっていることがないためあまり説得力のあるエッセイにはならないように思います。

そのためspace explorationは「宇宙に進出する行為で、星を探求するものだけでなく、人工衛星の打ち上げなどのいわゆる宇宙開発を含むもの」と捉えなければいけないと思います。











今回の添削では冒頭段落・最終段落・各bodyのTSおよびTBSには一切の修正がされていません。これは純粋にうれしいことです。(逆にEXのところにミスが集中しているという・・・○| ̄|_ )





A thought-provoking current issue concerns education. Some people think that children should not be assigned homework every day, while others may disagree. Personally, I believe that daily homework is important for students. I will present two reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, working on assignments every day helps students keep up with their curriculum. Young people today have to learn a lot more things at school than a few decades ago, so they can be easily overwhelmed by the workload without homework to help them study. A good example is when I was in high school. My school was famous for its demanding curriculum, and I was completely at a loss soon after I entered. The teachers gave us a huge amount of homework nearly every day, and I was swamped with assignments, reports, and essays. Most of my classmates failed to turn in their homework before the deadline. However, as I devoted all my efforts to submitting my assignments on time, I came to realize that I could easily understand the class contents. I was surprised by how meaningful and fruitful the homework turned out to be. Thanks to the daily assignments, I became one of the top students in my school, and I was given an award at the graduation ceremony.

In addition, daily homework enables students to become more independent. They have to deal with all aspects of school life ranging from their studies to part-time jobs, which requires responsibility and management skills. These abilities can be cultivated by homework. This is exemplified by my brother’s experience. My brother, Ken, was a lazy child. He left everything up to our parents when he was a kid. However, when he started secondary school, everything changed. One day, he submitted his homework on time, and his teacher gave him positive comments. He felt happy and began turning in his assignments on time every day. Soon he started to take care of other things as well. He began helping out with household chores, participating in volunteer activities, and thinking about his career path seriously. These positive changes resulted from working on daily homework. As this example proves, completing assignments everyday helps people to become less dependent on others.

In conclusion, considering that I was able to be one of the top students in high school and that my brother became an independent person, I strongly stand by the idea that daily homework is essential for students.

エッセイライティングの処方箋 Pt. 2
前回のPt. 1ではエッセイライティングで意識するとよい要素を沢山紹介しました。

このPt. 2ではエッセイの使用を許可いただいたC2プロジェクト参加者gogakutanさんのエッセイを用いて色々検討していきましょう。英検1級形式です。

●Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
●Give THREE reasons to support your answer.
●Structure: Introduction, main body, and conclusion
●Suggested length: 200–240 words

Can the global demand for water be met in the future?

Keeping balance between the demand for water and the water supply has been increasingly controversial topic in the world. While admitting enormous efforts have been made for it, I suppose, however, the global demand for water will not be met in the future. I have three reasons to support my idea.

Firstly, as global population has been rapidly growing for few decades, the demand for water has been increasing proportionately. When I was born, we had about 5 billion people on the earth. When I became an adult, we saw approximately 6 billion. And now, it is said that we will see more than 7 billion in total. It is clear that there has been significant growth of the demand for water.

Secondly, we have lost numerous water resources in past few decades. While we saw significant development throughout the world, we also witnessed many water resources disappear as well. For instance, along the Amazon, Brazil, vast rainforest has been devastated, which provided the Amazon with sufficient water while the officials in Brazil are celebrating its holding next Olympic games.

Some may argue that technology development would enable us to curve water usage. However, the impact of technology development has limitation. How much water we can save, we need natural water resources any way. Even in ISS where astronauts can survive for few months without water supply, they cannot make it for longer period.

Thus, taking into account the growing demand for water, the loss of water resources and the limited potential of technology development, I cannot suppose that the global demand for water will be met in the future.



Keeping balance between the demand for water and the water supply has been increasingly controversial topic in the world.
問題提起として実に簡潔で分かりやすい文ですが、controversialというよりはimportantという感じでしょうか。「需給バランスを保つこと」自体は議論の余地はなく、「実際に保てるかどうか」が議論の的なのでdraw a huge attentionなどでもよいでしょう。

自分の主張はsupposeは弱いと思います。believeやsupport the idea that ーーーのようなものを使うとよいでしょう。

② body 1


③ body 2

Numerous water resources have been lost.


④ body 3


ISSについては「the International Space Station」と最初に出すときは略さずに用い、冠詞が必要です。



gogakutanさんの作文の冒頭とbody 1をPt. 1で紹介したことに従ってリライトすると以下のようになります。

Keeping balance between the demand for water and its supply has been drawing a huge attention from the international community. For the following reasons, I believe that water supply will remain insufficient in the future.


(body 1)
Firstly, the demand for water has been increasing proportionately due to the population growth. The world population is estimated to rise by more than two billion in the next fifty years, the pace which the advance in water-related technology like purification systems cannot catch up with. Without further efforts, which would be unlikely, the supply will fall short of the demand.

TSはgogakutanさんのものを採用しました。なぜTSが問題なのか、というところは第2文以降で説明するようにしています。「further effortsは多分行われない」と釘を刺すことで主張を強めます。本当はその根拠も必要ですが、英検1級のbody3つ書くことと語数制限を考えるとこのくらいで十分かと思います



語数:240 words

The problem of sustainable water supply has been a grave concern for the international community. Considering the current situations, I believe that global demand for water will not be met in the future. I will present three reasons to support my opinion.

First of all, the increase in the global population far outweighs that in the overall water supply. Populations of the vast majority of developing countries have been on the steep rise, making it difficult for the governments to provide sufficient water for their citizens even with improved infrastructure and technology. This trend is expected to last with no signs of abating, which means that water supply will remain inadequate in the future.

Additionally, pollutants from human activities will make current water reserves unavailable. We apply huge amounts of pesticides to farmlands, emit poisonous gases that would cause acid rain, and dump garbage into lakes and oceans, all of which contaminate underground water pools. Without further comprehensive measures, which is unlikely, usable water will continue to decline.

Finally, the water cycle, which is vital for the availability of water, has been disrupted by climate changes occurring around the world. Humans emit greenhouse gases that raise global temperatures. Such temperature fluctuations and their attendant threats will result in frequent droughts, reducing precious freshwater supply.

In conclusion, considering the three reasons presented above, I strongly stand by the idea that the prospect for the future water supply is a long shot.

body 1で「Populations」と複数形にしています。the population in India, the population of Congoなど色々合わせたものだから複数形にしています。
エッセイライティングの処方箋 Pt. 1
先日の記事「TOEFL W independentの処方箋」の補完となる記事を書きます。一部引用がありますので併せて確認いただければと思います。この記事は英検1級英作文コンペを主宰されているgogakutanさん、その参加者の1人であるa catさんのご協力をいただけることになりました。ご両名には大変感謝申し上げます。


Pt. 1:エッセイライティングで必要な要素の提示(特に私が大切だと思うもの)
Pt. 2以降:ご提供いただいた作文(英検1級エッセイ形式)に対するコメントと提案

という形で記事を書かせていただきます。このPt.1は長いですが、エッセイライティングで考えるべきことがたくさん詰まっています。information overloadになりすぎないように気を配りましたが、それでもかなりの長さなので気楽にお付き合いください。








Some people say that ---. However, I believe that ---.

という形です。この部分に決まった形はありませんが、いきなりI believe ---と始めずに何らかの形で問題提起してから始めましょう。読む側からしたら「何の話!!?」となってしまいます。


論理的な書き方のkey wordは



Topic Sentence→To Be Specific→EXample


Topic Sentence(TS)は言わずと知れた、「その段落で言いたいこと」を示す文です。多くの場合パラグラフの第1文に相当します。


① Children can discover their interests by going to school.

② Attending school can help students discover their interests





First, we are consuming a large amount of fossil fuels to operate cars, machines and ---


First, the current trend toward overconsumption of fossil fuels puts serious threat on the economy.

のようにTSにする場合は無生物主語にする方が因果関係が明確で、説得力のある書き出しになります。(確かこの形式で私が書いたエッセイに対しネイティブの方が"strong sentence"というコメントをしていました。)

第Ⅰ・Ⅱ文型でも構わないと思いますが、そのあとに「なぜそうなのか」因果関係の記述がTBSやEXの中にないと説得力が落ちます。本当はas S V ---やbecause S V ---のような接続詞も使わないでズバッと言い切った方がいいです。TSに主語+動詞は2組もいらないです。その点は私の「independentの処方箋」のエッセイではBODY2でそれができていないです。「with the growing concern about the environment」のような何かしらのシェイプアップができたと思います。



次に進みます。To be specific(TBS)は「TSとはつまりどういうこと?TSだから何?」と補助的な情報を付け加える文で、必要に応じて書くとよいと思います。


The current climate change disrupts our economic activities.


There are a number of cases of storms destroying vast areas of economic centers which were vital for trade, distriution systems ---

などと続けることでその後for example, the hurricane XXX ---のような具体例に続けやすくなります。 TSとEXをつなぐ橋渡しのような存在だと考えていただければいいです。


自分の経験、統計データ、世論、政策など、何かの情報を用いて主張を補強します。大切なのはなるべくoff topicにならないように、「今書いている具体例はこのパラグラフのTSを補強するものである」、ということを意識して書き散らかさないように気を付けてください。私も時間に追われると書き散らしてしまい、フォーカスがぶれて説得力の弱い作文になってしまいます。

常に「so, what?」と念じながらEXを書きましょう。





First of all, the overall number of car owners in the world is expected to increase significantly for the next few decades. While some developed countries might experience a modest decline in their population, the numbers in the vast majority of developing nations will shoot up, where the automobile market is predicted to be the most robust. A good example is that many African nations have been enjoying steady economic and population growth for years, which is particularly represented by South Africa of BRICS countries, which are considered to be candidates for the next major economic powers. The combination of increased population and stronger economy in the third world will create even stronger demands for automobiles, meaning that there will be more automobiles in use in less developed countries.


このパラグラフでは、the overallというのはどういうこと?というのをTBSで詳説しました。「先進国では人口が減少する可能性があるが、それどころじゃなく途上国(自動車の市場)での増加は著しい」とTBSを付け加えることにより「途上国でどうなっているか」というEXにつながりやすくなるように意図しました。


ただ、ここでTSの中にin developing countriesと言ってしまうと、その後の議論が「途上国の範疇」に縛られてしまうことになります。お題は「世界全体での車の台数」であり、BODYは自分の主張を補強する必要がありますが、いきなりdeveloping countriesをいれて限定することはそもそも筋が違うのです。TSから脱線していては説得力は出ません。

Pt. 1はこれでおしまいです。ここに書いたことはエッセイの基本的なことであり大切なことでもあります。




Pt.2以降はgogakutanさん、a catさんにご提供いただいた作文を用いて英検1級形式のエッセイで色々検討していきたいと思います。
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